The Essential Steps To Building Self Confidence
And Overcoming The Fear That Rules Your Actions

If you are like most people, you have been struggling with the issues of intense fear that you can't seem to overcome.

Whether it be:

• Approaching a member of the opposite sex
• Asking for a date
• Starting conversations with strangers at social gatherings
• Talking with others at business meetings
• Making phone calls
• Performing a new task in front of others

We all have that feeling of unbearable fear. But have you noticed that some people seem to be super confident with such tasks?

Well you are right. While there will always be someone who doesn't have fear with certain tasks, they will with other tasks. In fact you are like that too.

What? You don't believe we all, including you, have supreme confidence with some actions? I bet you do, even if it's just speaking English (or your native language), walking, or putting food in your mouth at each meal.

Why do you feel such intense fear
with some tasks but not others?

It is simply boiled down to three reasons:

1. The fear of the unknown
2. Negative past experiences reminding you that you can't do it
3. Self doubt in your ability

If you didn't care about the unknown, past experiences or whether or not you could achieve any task, there would be no question about "building self confidence", you would simply have unstoppable confidence and total self-esteem all the time.

But it's our insatiable need to look good, cool and smart (which means not making mistakes) that creates all these worries and fears in us. So you really need to take control of this, because at the moment, these forces are controlling you.

To start gaining control of the "fear forces", you need to break down the three reasons down.

• The fear of the unknown
  We have to acknowledge the fact that there is always an element of unknown with everything we do. The more we try to resist the fear of the unknown, the more it persists and the stronger it gets.

Example:
You want to call an old friend who you hadn't spoken to for over one year. You start to get the "what if" fears:

"What if they don't want to talk with me?"
or
"What if they don't remember who I am, how silly will I sound?"

This fear of the unknown is ruling your thinking and ultimately your actions.

No one knows what will happen or how they will react. For all we know the number may not even be active anymore!

Rather than driving yourself crazy trying to solve or overcome these "what if unknown's" before taking any action, accept they are there and take them as they come.

Relax and take them in your stride. You can't do anything about them until they arrive, so don't worry about them until it's time.

This way you can start building self confidence on a solid foundation

Negative past experiences reminding you that you can't do it
The past always reminds us of what has happened and if they were negative experiences, where things didn't go as planned, we use them as reality.

Example:
Last month you saw a very attractive guy/girl. You went up to them to start a conversation.

You said "Hello, how are you today?"
He/she said, "hi" then looked away or even worse... walked away, causing you to feel really rejected.

A month later, you see another attractive guy/girl and you start
to approach them when your brain kicks in and reminds you of the past:

"You can't do it"
"He/she will reject you again"

Then the fear/self-doubt kicks in and you are paralyzed to move forward with your plan. But it doesn't have to be this way.

We are all aware that some people will accept your offerings (whatever they are – conversation, product/service, smile, greeting and so on) and some people won't.

In fact, stop and think about how many people you have said NO to ("rejected") in the past week?

• Telemarketers
• Shop clerks
• Advertisements (TV, radio, newspaper, Internet)
• Restaurants (upsizing your food or drink order, today's specials)
• Parents/Kids (asking/offering to do something, go somewhere)

And the list goes on.

With all of these, you never think it is "rejection" or have any negative emotion attached to it. But when you are the one offering and the other person doesn't' accept, you feel it to be a rejection.

Interesting!

Which leads me back to the story...
Just because the previous guy/girl didn't want to communicate with you, doesn't mean this next one will react in the same way. It's a different person and a different circumstance.

No one knows what will happen. The only way to find out is to go for it and not be stopped short because of your fears.

• Self doubt in your ability
  Whenever you "fail" to produce the results you wanted, believed or planned, many people are quick to justify the results. In fact some people are really skilful at convincing themselves that they can't do it, saying things like:

"See, I tried and I can't do it"
"I knew I couldn't do it"
"Why should I even bother/try"

Just because you didn't do it last time doesn't mean you can't. We need to be thinking positively like

"if others can do it, so can I. I'm going to find out everything I need to know in order to pull it off"
or
" know some will accept, some will not, so I'm going to keep going until I get the results"

You will also find that the higher level of importance you associate with any activity the stronger the fear. So maybe you should ask yourself

"Do I really have to take it so seriously?"

How often are you too serious with events that you could have or should have taken a lighter attitude towards?

Start thinking to yourself,

"Do I really need to take this so seriously?"
"What if I don't get the result I'm after?"

Remember that some people will accept your offer, some will not.

It's just like being a waiter/waitress walking around with a tray of cocktails offering them to people. Don't be offended if someone doesn't accept your offer, move on and find someone who will.

This has been taken from "The Self Confidence Mastery Membership", but is just the tip of the iceberg.
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Imagine Me Self Confident and Imagine Me With High Self Esteem, are just two of a series of titles in the Imagine Me range of helpful DVDs.